how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
We smell like vodka and hangover
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