She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
