I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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