Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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