I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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