cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Someone shattered a urinal.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
