The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
