Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
