I didn't shave. On purpose
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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