no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
