if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
