i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
How does one acquire holy water?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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