I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Just high enough for therapy.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
