i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
