You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
