we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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