You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
