It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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