you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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