apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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