I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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