I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
