Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
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