So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
