Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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