K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
