I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
