my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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