Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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