We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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