would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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