Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
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