so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
