I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
