is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
