I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
