THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
