My brain says no but my pants say off.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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