I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
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