I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
