I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
