Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
