Already got asked if we're dating
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
