Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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