i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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