why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
and you fell through a lawn chair
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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