I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
