I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
