first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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