There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
