if i can run in heels then i can drive
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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