God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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