But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
