did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
