Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
