pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think your dad took our porno
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
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