: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Fuck appropriateness.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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