Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
