batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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