I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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