Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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