3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Randomize
