You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
