my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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