Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
