dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
