Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Panties = found
Randomize
