hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Randomize
