i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
