Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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