I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
