I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
