well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
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