I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
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