OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
