so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
