We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
That accounts for only three of the penises
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
