A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
BRING THE BAGELS
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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