Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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