Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
