you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
