home. puking in laundry basket.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
