I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
