is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
