I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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