On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i came on her dog
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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