Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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