Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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