and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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