i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
