She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
