Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
