it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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