so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
