Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
BRING THE BAGELS
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