hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
