If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
